


At Least No One's Getting Murdered

by Anonymous



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Daddy Kink, M/M, Scat, Watersports, Wetting, i am living in sin, please read the tags, yes i am a terrible person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:46:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23020216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "You seem to be well-versed in the arts of sexual deviance," Ryan commented."What I'm going to say is--" Shane began before Ryan cut him off."This guy's like a sex Snapple, this guy knows his facts," Ryan teased with a grin."A sex Snapple," Shane repeated with a laugh.(Taken from the Room 1046 Q+A)
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39
Collections: Anonymous





	At Least No One's Getting Murdered

**Author's Note:**

> 'Scat' refers to erotic play that features feces/poop. In this particular story, there is messing (pooping in clothing) and a brief description of someone having poop cleaned off of them. If that is not your cup of tea, please leave now. 
> 
> (This story was inspired by the fact that Ryan seems to make a lot of poop jokes). 
> 
> 'Watersports' refers to erotic play that involves urine. In this particular story, there is wetting (peeing in clothing). If that is not your cup of tea, please leave now.

It started off as just an inkling.

While Shane could readily admit that Ryan and he sometimes had the emotional maturity of preschoolers, it never occurred to him just how many poop jokes Ryan made. Until the day that it arbitrarily entered his mind. Over the course of a week, Shane kept a tally in his phone of each time Ryan made a joke about poop. It was certainly more than he thought. At the start of the following week, they would be flying to another state to film an episode of Buzzfeed: Unsolved - Supernatural. That gave Shane time to decide what, if anything, he was going to do with this information.

The combination of traveling and filming was always exhausting and Ryan collapsed on his bed almost the moment they entered the hotel room. However, the memory of spider webs and bat droppings had him hauling himself to his feet only moments later, trudging to the bathroom to take a shower. Shane sat on his own bed, his back against the headboard and his impossibly long legs stretched out across the length of it. He stared at the closed bathroom door as the sound of water pelting against tile played an uneven rhythm. For some reason, that stirred his sense of contemplation. He thumbed through his phone and pulled up the tally he had been keeping. Shane knew that if Ryan suspected Shane of having a scat kink, Ryan would be incredibly curious too.

Shane didn't have to wait long, as soon Ryan emerged from the bathroom, t-shirt and sweatpants clinging to the lingering dampness on his skin. He rubbed at his wet hair with a towel before tossing it aside and sliding on his glasses.

"Ninety-seven," Shane spoke up abruptly.

Ryan turned to face him and frowned. "Ninety-seven what?" he asked confusedly.

"You've made exactly ninety-seven poop jokes in the past week. Ninety-nine if we count this morning's "Crapper Barrel" and your inquiries into which Southern breakfast staple would make the largest shit," Shane replied.

Ryan rolled his eyes, but Shane could see the hint of a blush appear on his cheeks. "What, have you been keep track?" he asked.

"Yes," Shane replied holding up his phone.

"You're a pretty weird dude," Ryan told him, busying himself with his bag.

"I don't know if it's just me who's weird," Shane returned nonchalantly.

"You kept track of how many poop jokes I made last week. What's next, burp and fart jokes?" Ryan said back.

"You have to admit that ninety-nine is a rather large amount of poop jokes, even for someone with your level of emotional maturity," Shane replied.

"Says the guy who made up an entire soap opera about a fucking hot dog," Ryan threw back.

Shane ignored the comment in favor of pressing Ryan a little. "When someone makes that many jokes, I have to wonder if there is more to it than that."

Ryan stilled and Shane had to hide his smirk.

"Okay so I'm--lowbrow, I guess," Ryan replied, and Shane could see his blush grow redder.

"You're not," Shane replied. "You're more clever than you give yourself credit for. But I do think you're into scat."

Ryan looked pointedly away from Shane, and it made Shane wonder if maybe he had pushed too far.

"It's alright," Shane told him. "Rule 34 of the Internet and all that. As long as it's occurring between safe, sane, and consenting adults, what's the harm, really? At least no one's getting murdered."

Ryan whirled around to face him. "_That's your bar?_," Ryan asked him incredulously, but Shane already had his answer.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's probably more common than most people think," Shane assured him.

Ryan sunk down to sit on his own bed, hiding his face in his hands. "It's...weird," Ryan mumbled.

"Any weirder than being a ghost hunter for a living?" Shane countered.

When Ryan didn't say anything back, Shane pressed a little more. "So have you ever actually done anything or have you just watched porn?"

Ryan looked up at him, aghast and Shane help up his hands in defense. "Hey, I'm the sex Snapple, remember?"

Ryan's shoulders drooped as he let out a long sigh. "I live with roommates and all the girls I've dated have been pretty vanilla," he muttered.

Something hot was beginning to curl in Shane's stomach and it merely spurred him on. "So what do you like about it?" he asked, trying to keep the roughness out of his voice.

Ryan squirmed nervously and Shane could feel arousal traveling straight to his cock. He wasn't exaggerating when he had told Ryan that he loved seeing him squirm.

"You sure you wanna hear about this?" Ryan asked. "I mean it's pretty...out there, for most people."

"Since when am I most people?" Shane deadpanned.

Ryan gave him a small smile. "Okay, I'll tell you. Just...stop me if it gets to be too much okay?"

Shane nodded, waiting patiently for Ryan to continue. "It's not really even the...stuff itself. I don't like eating it or rubbing it all over my body or--or anything like that."

He looked up at Shane, searching his face for any sign of judgement. Shane wasn't the most expressive person and tended to be hard to read, but Ryan continued anyway.

"I um...I like the idea of sitting i-in there," Ryan went on, pointing toward the bathroom, "and being held well I go."

Shane smiled. "There's nothing wrong with that," he said softly. "Sort of a...humiliation intimacy hybrid type of thing?"

"Yeah," Ryan replied, his voice quavering slightly.

"That all?" Shane asked.

Ryan shook his head. "There's ah...one more aspect to it. Um--" He exhaled shakily, finally finding his voice once more. "I want--I like the idea of, of having a-an accident and being cleaned up." He covered his face with his hands again and Shane stood up. He crossed the distance between their beds and sat down next to Ryan, slipping an arm around his shoulders.

"So you just want someone to take care of you?" Shane inquired. Ryan nodded, surprising them both when he let his head fall against Shane's chest.

Shane had his legs crossed, trying to hide his insistent boner. He hoped Ryan didn't notice; now would be a bad time. For Shane, when it came to kinks, he was fairly open, getting off on indulging people's deepest and most secret fantasies. For him, the appeal was the high level of embarrassment and the intensity of the desire, the other person laying themselves bare and letting him see all of it. He lightly squeezed Ryan's shoulder.

"Have you gone yet today?" Shane said thickly, his nose lightly brushing against Ryan's hair.

"W-what do you mean?" Ryan asked, his trembling fingers tentatively grabbing at the hem of Shane's shirt.

"I'm pretty sure you know the answer to that already," Shane told him.

Ryan swallowed thickly and Shane could feel the other man shaking against him. "You don't have to," Shane said, softening his tone.

Ryan slipped his arms around Shane, clinging tightly. Shane blinked in surprise, but pulled Ryan into his arms. Ryan looked up at Shane and Shane could see the way his eyes had darkened.

"I want to," Ryan said, his voice almost a whisper.

Shane smiled down at him and stood, pulling away slowly. Ryan stood as well and the two made their way toward the bathroom before Shane stopped Ryan with a light press of his hand on Ryan's chest. Ryan looked up at him in confusion.

"Pick a pair of pants and underwear that you're willing to part with and then sit down on the toilet," Shane ordered. 

Ryan shuddered at those words alone, and his sweatpants did nothing to hide his arousal. He left his boxers on, but retrieved a somewhat old pair of jeans and slipped them on. Shane's eyes raked over Ryan's body. He had seen Ryan in these clothes many times but knowing what he was going to do them made them all the more appealing. He stepped toward Ryan, resting a hand on waist and bringing the other up to cup his cheek. He leaned forward, nearly bringing their lips together.

"Is this okay?" Shane breathed, only to be met by Ryan's lips instantly.

Shane groaned against Ryan's mouth as he felt Ryan press flush against him and move his hands all over Shane's back, eagerly sliding his tongue into Shane's mouth. This is what Shane loved. That delicious, wanton, craving and Ryan was letting him taste it. Shane pulled back a bit breathlessly, stroking Ryan's hair.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yes Daddy," Ryan said, pulling up a hand to cover his mouth when he said it.

"Oh, it's like that then, is it?" Shane smirked, though he gazed at Ryan fondly.

He lightly kissed Ryan's forehead, gently sitting him down on the toilet before stepping in front of him. Ryan rested his hands on his thighs and curled them into tight fists. Shane slipped a finger beneath Ryan's chin, forcing the other man to look up at him.

"It's okay," Shane told him gently

"What if I also have to pee?" Ryan mumbled, shifting on the toilet.

Shane grinned. "Most people find poop to be more gross."

Ryan covered his face with his hands until Shane gently gripped Ryan's wrists, setting Ryan's arms at his sides.

"It's not gross to Daddy," Shane said quietly, satisfied when he heard a whimper escape from Ryan.

Ryan was silent, looking small and scared as Shane ruffled his hair.

"What if I can't go?" Ryan finally asked in a tiny voice.

"We've got all night," Shane replied. "Or some other time."

Ryan looked up at him and smiled with the realization that Shane wasn't just going to make this a one time thing. Shane leaned down, capturing Ryan's lips with his own before pulling back. He slipped his arms around Ryan, feeling the other man rest his head against Shane's chest and tightly grasp onto his shirt.

"It's okay, I'm right here," Shane told him gently.

Ryan squeezed his eyes shut tightly, taking a deep breath before he started trying to push, holding onto Shane for support. Shane felt his breath catch at how taboo this all was. He ran his fingers reassuringly through Ryan's hair. Ryan whined softly as a slight odor filled the air. He hid his face against Shane. Shane rubbed over Ryan's back, encouraging him to keep going. 

With a bit more strain, Ryan let out a deep moan, and Shane could hear the sag of fabric echoing in the toilet bowl, the smell rapidly intensifying. Ryan started panting softly, letting out a gasp as he started wetting himself too. 

"God...f-fuck--i-it just came out," Ryan whimpered. 

Shane groaned deeply, drawing Ryan more tightly against him as he heard the sound of liquid dripping into the toilet, and saw Ryan's face a darker red than he'd ever seen it. Ryan was trembling and Shane wasn't sure if it was from fear or excitement. 

"What does it feel like?" he asked lowly. 

Ryan pulled back to look at the damage done to his jeans. He couldn't see the back, but the font of his pants were soaked. He pressed his fingers to the denim, moaning at just the slightest touch. That sent Shane's head reeling. He reached a hand over Ryan's clothed cock, rubbing very lightly, surprsied at how eagerly Ryan was bucking up against his hand. 

"We should get you cleaned up," Shane whispered, still rubbing gently. 

Ryan nodded, resting against Shane. Shane's heart soared; he found Ryan incredibly adorable like this, but also pliant and desperate all at the same time. He helped Ryan to his feet. 

He started off by removing Ryan's t-shirt, unable to keep his hands from wandering over Ryan's torso, his mouth from kissing along Ryan's neck and shoulders. Ryan gasped with each touch, his nerves singing with hypersensitivity. Ryan looked nervous when Shane gingerly began removing his pants and boxers, but Shane didn't seem to mind. He chucked Ryan's soiled clothes into the trash can, tying up the bag in there to be disposed of later. Ryan squirmed where he stood as Shane turned on the shower and waited for it to get warm. He looked down at Ryan, his cheeks scarlet with humiliation, his body trembling with arousal, and his large, trusting eyes looking up to Shane for guidance. 

Shane threaded his fingers through Ryan's hair, tugging Ryan towards him as he captured his lips in a searing kiss. Ryan whimpered into it, fingers clumsily grasping at Shane's shirt for stability. Shane pressed his tongue into Ryan's mouth, feeling his own cock throbbing as Ryan allowed Shane to dominate the kiss. When Shane determined the water was warm enough, he stripped out of his own clothes and pulled Ryan into the shower. Ryan moaned at the feel of the hot water against his skin, at the introduction of a new sensation. Shane grabbed the little square of hotel soap, tearing off the paper, and sudsing up his hands. 

"You want me to grab you a washcloth?" Ryan asked nervously, now overly aware of the remainder of his mess clinging to his backside, the slight acidic sting of urine on his thighs. 

"No, I want to do this with my bare hands," Shane all but growled. 

Ryan leaned against Shane's chest, biting his lower lip. Shane placed a warm, soapy hand on Ryan's lower back, and Ryan's arms immediately circled his waist. "D-Daddy," he whispered, feeling Shane's cock twitch against his thigh. 

Shane dipped his hand lower, rubbing over and between Ryan's cheeks, removing the caked on mess and cleaning over Ryan thoroughly. He could feel just how hard Ryan was, how badly he needed this, as Ryan began writhing himself against Shane. Shane made sure to use plenty of soap, ensuring that they were both entirely clean and smelling fresh. When he was finished, he wrapped his arms possessively around Ryan, moaning deeply as Ryan's cock lightly brushed against his. 

"Daddy's going to take good care of you," Shane told Ryan as he turned off the water. 

Shane helped Ryan out of the shower, toweling them both off before yanking Ryan by the wrist into the bedroom. He lay Ryan down on the bed, planting his hands on either side of Ryan's head, looming over him. Ryan's hands reached up to grasp at Shane's shoulders, his hips rising off the bed, desperately needing to be touched. 

"Please--Daddy," Ryan begged breathlessly. 

Shane leaned down, pressing his lips bruisingly to Ryan's. He inhaled sharply as he wrapped his long fingers around both of their cocks, bringing them together. Ryan choked out a crying sound as Shane began stroking over them both, tongue moving insistently into Ryan's mouth, running along Ryan's tongue. Ryan thrusted up into Shane's hand, uninhibited noises spilling out from him. His whimpers were so soft and he was clutching at Shane's shoulders like a life line. Shane pulled back from the kiss, and his eyes were fixed on Ryan's face, his cheeks were flushed, his lips were swollen and his hair was still wet from the shower. His eyes were squeezed shut and he was willingly taking all that Shane was giving him. 

"F-Fuck, I-I'm--" Ryan tried to say, letting out a deep moan as his orgasm ripped through him, his body rising upwards as he road the wave. 

"Oh _fuck_," Shaned cursed at the sight and feeling of Ryan orgasming beneath them, spilling over the edge as well. 

Shane rolled off of Ryan and collapsed next to them. They both breathed heavily as they calmed. Shane's head felt fuzzy and warm. He hastily grabbed a t-shirt that he had thrown aside, cleaning off Ryan and himself before turning on his side and pulling Ryan into his arms. Ryan nuzzled his cheek against Shane's chest, and Shane began carding his fingers through Ryan's hair. 

"Holy shit," Ryan said shakily. 

"And that makes one hundred baby!" Shane counted. 

"Shut up Shane," Ryan replied.


End file.
